Step 1:

Don’t take anything your Ex ever said or did personally, because nothing your Ex ever said or did was about you. Even if your Ex downright blames you for everything that went wrong in your relationship, realize their statement is only coming from who they are, which has absolutely nothing to do with the person you are.

Step 2:

However, not taking your Ex personally is a two sided coin. If during the heat of an argument you react and tell your Ex what an idiot THEY are, and how everything is THEIR fault, then it has nothing to do with them. Your statements only reflect the kind of person you are, which is a person who likes to blame and judge. This has nothing to do with your Ex. Therefore, consciously make an effort to be the person you are, regardless of how your Ex is behaving. Make a list of all the qualities you admire in others, for example: kindness, confidence, compassion, and respect. Chances are you already possess the qualities within yourself. Be very careful not to make statements that don’t reflect who you are, even when you may be tempted to give into the hurt and anger you feel.

Step 3

Release your judgments and opinions by becoming friends with Death. As morbid as this sounds, realize that in 100 years, you and your Ex will likely be dead, and nothing you ever fought about will be remembered. If your Ex has the obsessive need to be right and argue with you about everything, give in to their whim and say, “You are absolutely right.” Not only will this reinforce your relationship with Death and save you a tremendous amount of personal power, your Ex will find it impossible to argue with you because you are giving the non-verbal message that it really doesn’t matter. As one my favorite authors Wayne Dyer once said, “Have you ever noticed how hard it is to argue with someone who isn’t obsessed with being right?”

Step 4:

If the hurt and anger is overwhelming, distance yourself from your Ex completely. And no matter what, get on your knees and pray for your Ex every morning. Pray that your Ex will be granted all of the health, wealth and happiness you wish for yourself. Even if you are not a religious person, or you don’t believe in God, the act itself is liberating.

In twelve step programs, such as Alcoholics Anonymous, they are taught to pray for people they have a deep resentment towards. At first, you will not mean a word of the prayer. But if you say the prayer consistently for two weeks, you will come to genuinely mean it, and find that there is a part of you that realizes your Ex is just a human being, with their own imperfections, weaknesses and short comings. If you go deeper, you will realize your Ex may also be a very hurt and scared person – even if they outwardly seem very hostile, aggressive and manipulative. Of course, no matter what happened to your Ex in their childhood or even in their day to day life – it does not give them a reason to mistreat you. But by being aware of the fact that your Ex has a certain set of issues to deal with on their own time, it will help you replace the hurt and anger you feel with compassion and understanding.

Step 5:

Own your personal power. Because when you are who you are, regardless of the situation or circumstance that comes your way, then this transforms you into a very powerful person. This is the step that absolutely baffles your Ex, because by you being who you are, and not letting them get you down – it sends your Ex the non-verbal message that you are who you are and they are who they are. But most importantly, it tells your Ex that you are not going to take any of their crap! When you respond to your Ex’s hostility with kindness, and your Ex’s blame with compassion, it frustrates them to no end, because your Ex cannot get you to play their game.

Step 6:

Come to understand that you are doing all of this work for no other reason than to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work in order to manipulate your Ex, and make them want you back, your Ex will subconsciously sense your intentions, because at one point or another, you will slip and let your intentions be known without realizing it. When this happens, you will give all of your power back to your Ex, and will have to start all over again with Step 1.

Step 6 is often tricky, because if you master each step up to this point, your Ex may very well want to reconcile. At the very least, your Ex will begin responding to the kindness you send their way in a positive fashion. But regardless if you want to get back together with your Ex, just be friends, or just get over the obsessive thinking – remember your sole purpose is to realize who you are, restore your sense of balance, and reclaim your personal power. If you do all of this work just to manipulate your Ex into responding the way you want them to, it may work for a very short period of time. But I guarantee your Ex will pick up on the fact that your intentions are not genuine, and you will lose your personal power. Not only that, but when you genuinely become who you are, you attract the right kind of people to your life. And maybe your Ex is not the person you are meant to be with! And the only way you will know if you are meant to be with your Ex or anyone else is if you are genuinely who you are.

Step 7:

Forgive your Ex, no matter what they did or didn’t do. Unfortunately, it may not be enough at this point to say, “I forgive my ex.” And leave it at that. Forgiveness has little to do with words, and more to do with action. Before proceeding with this step, I recommend reading up on the topic of forgiveness, and reading heroic stories about the power of forgiveness. I once read a story about a woman whose daughter was brutally raped and murdered by a man that was eventually caught and sent to prison. As anyone can imagine, the woman spent years of her life in rage and obsession over what this man had done to her daughter. I am sure there are no words to express how much pain this woman was feeling. However, she somehow stumbled on a book entitled, The Course of Miracles and began reading about what the power of forgiveness could do for her. She started to pray for the man, and eventually sent him a letter, letting him know she had forgiven him for the actions he took against her daughter, even though she didn’t condone his behavior. To make a long story short, the man wrote the woman back and apologized profusely. The woman felt compelled to see this young man in prison, and she held him as he cried during their first visit. To make a long story short, they became friends, and she became his number one advocate in attempts to release him from prison.

There are not a lot of people walking on the planet as courageous as this woman, but it is an extreme example of what is possible within each one of us. I thought about this woman before I reached out to my Ex with forgiveness in my heart. I sent a gift to my Ex and the woman my Ex left me for, which seemed to pale in comparison to this woman’s story. Of course, it took me a little over a year to reach that point, and a lot of soul searching. To this day, I love my Ex with all of my heart on a platonic level. We live in two totally different cities, but still call and send each other emails on occasion as good friends.

I am also in a healthy relationship with someone I am deeply in love with. Next week will be our two year anniversary. I do not think I would be as happy and as deeply in love with this new person as I am now, had I not let go of the anger, bitterness, and resentment I once felt towards my Ex, which is another reason why forgiveness is so important.

A lot of people believe turning off your feelings for a person you once were in a romantic relationship with, or even hating them is a way to show that they are “over” the person. But I believe the exact opposite is true. When you are completely “over” a person, you really wish them nothing but the best – and you are totally detached emotionally from how they act or react. Another point to consider is the fact that love isn’t real unless you loved your Ex for the person they are, not the person you wanted them to be. And just because the romantic relationship didn’t work out, doesn’t mean your Ex isn’t a lovable person.

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Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/dating-articles/how-to-get-over-your-ex-20231.html

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Try to let go of what has been going on in the past. Moving forward will be tough if you can’t settle your feelings regarding the break-up from your husband or wife. When you are at peace with yourself, you’ll soon realize how much clearer things start to become, hence paving the way for your recovery.

Take the time and pay special attention to enjoying your own company. Let’s face it, you are going to be spending a lot of time with yourself, so you must make the most of it and feel at ease in your own company. Go on a mini make over, build a routine of exercise and health, if you feel good about yourself others will see you in the same light.

Volunteer. Many people see volunteering as not a very productive way to be spending valuable time. However devoting quality time to helping others is all about making yourself a better person, and if you are a believer in karma, which I am, helping others will set you up for good things to happen in your life.

Connecting online is a very powerful concept that people in your situation did not have the benefit of 10-15 years ago. And what’s more, many social network sites are 100% free. Face Book is the ideal online starting point and is by far the biggest online social networking site. There are not too many people I know that do not have a Face Book profile. Join groups, start a group, contribute your experiences, learn from other peoples experiences.

You may well have heard about online dating through the media or perhaps your friends use dating websites. Dating online is a little different to social networking, there is no second guessing whether a person is single or attached, you know where you stand right from the get go! The stigma that was once associated with internet dating sites has now long gone. Online dating is now the new ‘cool’ – just ask any young savvy single person.

Learning to become comfortable with dating other people again will not occur without its fair share of highs and lows. But those who are truly successful in achieving happiness after divorce are able to steel themselves against some of the negative occurrences they will come up against, and at the same time will be able to capitalize on an opportunity that arises through building their self image and becoming a saleable person.

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Once you’ve built an approximation of your ideal partner, you could now determine where to find this individual. Should you like to meet somebody in a casual, laidback manner, you may want to try hanging out in bars or parties, provided that you simply also love going to these locations. You will find lots of fun and interesting people in these places, so if you are the type of person who is spontaneous and loves having fun, you may find the perfect girl for you here.

In case you are not the type of person who could easily approach another person or that you simply would like to make it somewhat formal, you may wish to ask friends to set you up on a date with unattached girl friends that they know. Go on a date and learn a lot more about the girl. Dating is a venue wherein you will be able to get to know the other individual much much better because you’re in the quiet and intimate setting.

Finally, if you’ve already exhausted all the other means of meeting somebody, you may want to attempt out the contemporary activities wherein you can get to know a potential partner. You can attempt dating membership sites and there are a lot available within the internet for you to try. You can also specify the characteristics of a woman that you’re looking for and the site would match you with somebody that satisfies the qualification. Chatrooms download sites and forums are also places wherein you can meet individuals. When you hit it off, you may decide on meeting in person and having a date to get to know the other individual more.

The key Guy Gets Girl tip here is just to be yourself and be confident with your personality and characteristics. Show off your assets, but at exactly the same time, do not be afraid of showing your vulnerabilities. In this way, you will be able to find somebody that complements you and this individual would definitely be your match.

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